The Court Language of Cover Letters

I was bemoaning cover letters to my brother the other day and he observed that it is the last vestige of formal language. Cover letters tend to read like the carefully worded letters of introduction carried by the aristocracy of yore.

Because really, they are letters of introduction. Dear Sir or Madame, here are my bonafides; a list of my accomplishments and titles, the people to whom I am known. No wonder so many of them sound either stilted or truncated. Really all they lack is a herald standing tall and reading them aloud from a piece of parchment while we stand by humbly awaiting the monarch's acceptance or rejection.

An interesting trend has developed of late though - the cover letter as entry essay. Several times now I have come across position openings that issues some sort of challenge - if you want this job, address these items in your cover letter. One even went so far as to announce that the resume would not get the job (though they still wanted one), rather it was how the cover letter addressed a number of items.

These essays challenge the job seeker to be (and I quote) 'introspective' and to 'take an honest assessment' of who they are, what they have done and what it all means. So now, in courtly language, write me a college entrance essay. Tell me what you have learned in your time on earth and what you hope to accomplish while you are at our institution. Give me the meaning of life, encompassed on an 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper (with appropriate font and margins). We will then pass judgment upon you; deem you worthy or not (and if we find you unworthy; this you will know from our resounding silence. You see, we just get so many of these that we can only reply to those who interest us).

It is frustrating and sometimes infuriating. "Pour your heart and soul out to us" these seem to ask of us, while offering little in return. Yes, there has to be some standard for weeding the qualified from the unqualified - but isn't that what the job requirements are for? Do you really need to know my favorite all time band? Is it necessary to know what animal I would most like to be? And do I get points deducted if I prefer white wine to red? Let's be honest here, I don't want to date you, I just want to work for you.