Encouraging the Dreamers

I have a wonderful nephew. Okay, I have several, but I am going to focus on one in particular today. At the moment he is very far away. Afghanistan far away. He is a really sweet kid who is doing something he isn't that wild about in a place that is rather scary. In short, this wasn't what he signed up for.

We have been emailing back and forth (and how wonderful is it that we have that medium!); him trying to be stoic and brave; me trying to be cheerful and supportive. It is hard work. But recently he answered my question of "what are you going to do when you are done with the military" by saying he wanted to either teach or be an engineer. Great, so far, and yet in all the years I have known him he never once uttered the words "my dream is to teach" or "engineering is so cool." In fact most of the time the question has come up regarding the rest of his life, he has talked of studying languages, studying religion or doing something in either direction with music.

So I am in this odd position. I am trying to live my dream; I am working hard at landing that dream job. It has not been easy, and it has not always been much fun. It has taken much longer than I had anticipated, and am really comfortable with - but here I still am. Watching this wonderful kid, I want desperately to tell him that he needs to be figuring out his dream now. That now, in his early 20's, is the very best time to be a dreamer - and to dream big. This is the time he needs to be asking himself the big and important questions about the rest of his life.

I know that part of his thinking is wrapped up in making his parents happy, in concerns about making a living and doing all the things he is 'supposed' to do. The pressures that society places on him, that family places on him, that friends place on him. It is a lot of noise to contend with, these conflicting and sometimes strident voices yelling direction but often not much encouragement.

How does this cheerleader for his life make a difference over here in the corner? How do I encourage the dreamer without placing added pressure on the person? I am trying to be subtle in my encouragement - I have sent books on topics I think he will find interesting, I keep from giving him advice when we email, and so far I have resisted the urge to verbally grab him by the shoulders and intently give him my witness of the journey he is on. That we both, really, are on.

Maybe it is enough to be a listener in the wilderness of voices he is navigating. A quiet place where maybe he can get some respite from the din and get his own thoughts in order. I certainly hope so.

Applying On-Line

Okay, I have a complaint. My complaint is with online applications. You know the drill, you hunt through open jobs, you see something you like and you hit the conveniently located "apply" button. Now you have been doing this for a bit, so you have the folder on your desktop that holds the resume file, the cover letter file, the job log you will dutifully record your efforts in. It shouldn't take a lot of effort. Much like the days when you mailed this stuff, right? No! This is much more convenient. Trust me.

Because now you hit that little apply button and you are asked to fill out an online profile. Enter your email. Choose a 'user name' and then a password. Enter the password again. Great! Now enter your first name, your middle initial, and your last name (all in separate boxes, of course). Now your address. Country of residence? Are you legally allowed to work in the US? Yes? Great! Oh, will you need the company in question to sponsor you to stay? No? Fabulous. Hit next.

Okay, now upload your resume. Alternatively, you can copy and paste it in the little box. What? You have a resume file - great, just tell them where it is and upload it. Hit next. Now look at it; see how all the formatting is gone? Take a few minutes and fix that, okay? I know you used the one that wasn't formatted. Still, fix it. Did the resume include ten years of past employment? Good. Did it include your education? Great. They appreciate it if you use all the standard resume stuff. Hit next.

Now upload a copy of your cover letter - or just cut and paste it in the box. Hit next.

Now tell us where you currently work. What is the name of the company? What is your title? What is the address? Who is your supervisor? Phone number? Email address? Can they contact these people? What did you do there? Great. Hit next.

Wait - what? You mean most of that was on the resume? No really, this is important. Did you hit next? Good. Tell them about the job you had before that. All the same questions. I KNOW IT'S ON YOUR RESUME! This is important. Hit next. Now tell them about the job before that job. Please do this for the last five jobs you held or the last ten years of employment. Yes - all of that. Hit next.

Okay. Now they need to ask you a few questions. Remember the job requirements that you were pretty sure you met? They aren't so sure you do. For requirement A, please tell them if you meet the criteria. Just yes or no - yes? Great. Hit next. Tell them now, in less than 2,000 words, what positions on your resume show that. Thanks. Hit next. Please continue until you have answered all of these. Hit next.

Now answer all of these questions about your race, gender, ethnicity, veteran's qualifications and possible disabilities. Hit next.

Okay! Great. Now take a look at everything you just did. Please review it carefully. Look good? Yes? Great. Now if you really want to apply - hit the 'submit' button. Ironic choice of words, that I know. But do it any way.

By the way, thanks for applying. If they think you actually meet the requirements, someone will contact you. If not, you will never hear from them again. There is an upside. If you do get an interview, make it to the stage where you are invited to the company proper to interview people, you will get to do most of that again when they hand you a paper application form and ask you for all the information you filled in on their website.

Picky versus Discerning

I got an email from a friend the other day. This is a wonderful, sweet, well meaning person who really does have my best interests at heart. And yet she asked the question that I dread these days "how's the job hunt?" I dread it because there is no easy answer. It is all sorts of complicated, to be honest.

What I ended up replying with was an answer that is honest, but is starting to feel canned. It is along the lines of: still out there, still looking, and while it is a bit scary to be a year out of work, I am not willing to take a slog position. I am holding out for a career. Yes, it sounds a bit weasel worded, I admit; but it is the truth. I am not willing to work at something I hate for an indefinite period of time. It is not fair to the person employing me, and it is not fair to me. I know how defensive that sounds. It is such for a reason.

The same, well meaning friend wrote back and said "yes, but isn't a slog job better than being on the dole?" And there was the phrase that I hate - on the dole. It hits me in the face every time I go to an interview. The present, confident me is sitting there believing that I am interviewing the company as much as they are interviewing me. The little voice in my head is screaming out in desperation "you must nail this! They must offer you the position!" Because if they don't, it means that I am continuing on the dole.

Even when that position turns out to be not what I want, when I turn out not to be the best fit, I worry about how it will be perceived. Am I being too picky? Or am I really being a discerning job hunter looking for her next career position? Truthfully, I am the latter. Truthfully, I am the huntress on the trail of something great, something exciting, something that will make getting out of bed in the morning a joy. Yet, there it is - looming over me - I'm just being too picky.

The same people who have clucked their tongues and shaken their heads over the men I have not dated, not settled down with, are again sighing that I am just too picky. That no one gets to live the dream, so it is better to settle for something - anything - less than optimum, because who knows when another offer is going to come my way.

It is hard, one year out, to hold to my ideals. It is hard, one year out, to keep looking for the right position. It is hard not to take the very next thing offered. When friends are being promoted, when friends are heading off on vacation, when friends are car shopping and shoe shopping and house shopping - it is hard not to feel like I am being picky about where the next paycheck comes from. But the last thing I want is to be back here in six months, a year; to be starting over yet again.

It maybe true that there are only so many chances in the world. I just want to make sure that the next one is the right one.

The Court Language of Cover Letters

I was bemoaning cover letters to my brother the other day and he observed that it is the last vestige of formal language. Cover letters tend to read like the carefully worded letters of introduction carried by the aristocracy of yore.

Because really, they are letters of introduction. Dear Sir or Madame, here are my bonafides; a list of my accomplishments and titles, the people to whom I am known. No wonder so many of them sound either stilted or truncated. Really all they lack is a herald standing tall and reading them aloud from a piece of parchment while we stand by humbly awaiting the monarch's acceptance or rejection.

An interesting trend has developed of late though - the cover letter as entry essay. Several times now I have come across position openings that issues some sort of challenge - if you want this job, address these items in your cover letter. One even went so far as to announce that the resume would not get the job (though they still wanted one), rather it was how the cover letter addressed a number of items.

These essays challenge the job seeker to be (and I quote) 'introspective' and to 'take an honest assessment' of who they are, what they have done and what it all means. So now, in courtly language, write me a college entrance essay. Tell me what you have learned in your time on earth and what you hope to accomplish while you are at our institution. Give me the meaning of life, encompassed on an 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper (with appropriate font and margins). We will then pass judgment upon you; deem you worthy or not (and if we find you unworthy; this you will know from our resounding silence. You see, we just get so many of these that we can only reply to those who interest us).

It is frustrating and sometimes infuriating. "Pour your heart and soul out to us" these seem to ask of us, while offering little in return. Yes, there has to be some standard for weeding the qualified from the unqualified - but isn't that what the job requirements are for? Do you really need to know my favorite all time band? Is it necessary to know what animal I would most like to be? And do I get points deducted if I prefer white wine to red? Let's be honest here, I don't want to date you, I just want to work for you.

The Myth of Busy

We are supposed to be busy. We are supposed to be working. There is an amount of work we are supposed to put in each day to be considered a contributing citizen in society. Which makes being unemployed just that much harder.

I find that I battle with what I am supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be spending eight to ten hours a day job hunting. I know this because every second 'expert' on job hunting tells me that it should be a full time job and I have to devote the same amount of time to it that I would were I being paid for it. I am also supposed to be volunteering my newly freed up time. And I am supposed to be pursuing education or interests or household to do lists.

In short, I am not supposed to have free time. Any. At all. If I do then I am obviously a slacker. A ne'er do well, a dolist.

But the reality is that busy is subjective. Were I to be totally honest, I would have to admit that even when I was employed I rarely put in a solid eight hours on job related stuff. There were times, sure, when things were busy and it was all hands on deck, no time for lunch, no time to breathe. But the majority of the time? How much time was spent chatting with people who stopped by my desk? How much time was spent getting coffee or water or a soda from the break room? How much time was spent just walking between meetings or standing at the copier or even in meetings that were unnecessary?

Because there is busy and then there is productive. Busy is doing something, being productive is putting in time with a set output.

The truth is that I am often more productive now than when I was employed. My days have a lot of stuff in them. I walk the dogs at least twice a day. I do the dishes, I look for jobs, I do work for other people, I write this blog, I write other things, I research things, I do laundry and housework and make dinner and chauffeur people. Even reading books is productive time because I am a writer. Things get done. Work is accomplished.

Sure, there are times when I sit on the couch with my lunch and watch an hour or so of television. But I am not eating bonbons and watching five different soaps. that little bit of television time, those moments spent reading my twitter account, isn't that the equivalent of chatting to people who drop by the desk, or getting coffee, or reading that non-work email?

I may not be employed, but I am not only busy, I am productive.

The Song Remains the Same

So it has been a while since I wrote here, and it is high time I did. Yes, still job hunting. Thought that is not an accurate description really. I am not hunting merely for a 'job' but rather for a career. Something that makes me excited to get up in the morning, something that is not work, but passion.

Too many of us merely work for a living. This thought came to me as I was interviewing for a position. It was something I could have done easily, something that I have done in the past. And yet when I thought of it, thought of getting it - I just felt tired. Weary to the bone kind of tired. I heard myself saying to a friend, 'sure, I can do the job, but I don't want to work that hard." Which sounds very slacker-ish. I don't mind working hard, I don't mind being busy and involved - even in that 'seriously - it's June?' kind of busy. The kind where you started a project on Monday and when you looked up again it was Monday, but two months later.

What I mind is the kind of busy where you feel that you are slogging. Where getting out of bed becomes a Herculean effort because busy or not, you aren't enjoying what you are doing. Knowing that the day before you is a carbon copy of the last 30 days, and in not one of them did anything really interesting or challenging happen. That today is indistinguishable from yesterday in a really bad Bill Murray in Groundhog day kind of way.

And yet the temptation is there, one year on, to take the very next thing that is handed to me. To say, well yes the pay is crap but it is at least as much as I am making on unemployment. To feel like a loser because I am on the dole and the days spent reading job descriptions for open positions become their own kind of tedious.

I am lucky. I have a support group that is nurturing, understanding, and fully behind me. I have friends willing to let me be the troll in the spare bedroom, emerging only for meals (and the processional chauffeur to work job). I have a cast of cheerleaders who believe in me, buck me up and remind me that I am in this for bigger game this time.

So for them, event though at the moment the song remains the same, I am back here to write more about them, me and the hunt.