Encouraging the Dreamers

I have a wonderful nephew. Okay, I have several, but I am going to focus on one in particular today. At the moment he is very far away. Afghanistan far away. He is a really sweet kid who is doing something he isn't that wild about in a place that is rather scary. In short, this wasn't what he signed up for.

We have been emailing back and forth (and how wonderful is it that we have that medium!); him trying to be stoic and brave; me trying to be cheerful and supportive. It is hard work. But recently he answered my question of "what are you going to do when you are done with the military" by saying he wanted to either teach or be an engineer. Great, so far, and yet in all the years I have known him he never once uttered the words "my dream is to teach" or "engineering is so cool." In fact most of the time the question has come up regarding the rest of his life, he has talked of studying languages, studying religion or doing something in either direction with music.

So I am in this odd position. I am trying to live my dream; I am working hard at landing that dream job. It has not been easy, and it has not always been much fun. It has taken much longer than I had anticipated, and am really comfortable with - but here I still am. Watching this wonderful kid, I want desperately to tell him that he needs to be figuring out his dream now. That now, in his early 20's, is the very best time to be a dreamer - and to dream big. This is the time he needs to be asking himself the big and important questions about the rest of his life.

I know that part of his thinking is wrapped up in making his parents happy, in concerns about making a living and doing all the things he is 'supposed' to do. The pressures that society places on him, that family places on him, that friends place on him. It is a lot of noise to contend with, these conflicting and sometimes strident voices yelling direction but often not much encouragement.

How does this cheerleader for his life make a difference over here in the corner? How do I encourage the dreamer without placing added pressure on the person? I am trying to be subtle in my encouragement - I have sent books on topics I think he will find interesting, I keep from giving him advice when we email, and so far I have resisted the urge to verbally grab him by the shoulders and intently give him my witness of the journey he is on. That we both, really, are on.

Maybe it is enough to be a listener in the wilderness of voices he is navigating. A quiet place where maybe he can get some respite from the din and get his own thoughts in order. I certainly hope so.