Travel Planning

I want to spend a month in Europe. The plans are somewhat nebulous - fly to London, meet friends in Prague, fly home. I have dates for the outbound (at least between London and New York), I know what dates to be in Prague. Everything else is still in the etherworld. Today I sat down to book the flights from Portland to New York. I tried several iterations, and still could not bring myself to book the flight.

Partly it is sticker shock. Partly it is denial, I suspect. I can't really be going to Europe for a month. Not really. That would be frivolous, that would be expensive, that would be squandering. Besides - go to Europe for a month ALONE? Who does that? Well, I do. I've done it before. I will probably do it again - after this trip. So what is it about this trip that is bugging me. I suspect it is because I should be spending that time looking for a job. Like I can't do that in Europe - in this day of the Internet and everyone preferring on-line applications (except, of course the Federal Government!) And what if - what if one of those handful of jobs I have already applied for comes through - then what?

What it comes down to is that it is all excuses for being afraid. I will have a grand time. I know it. I always do. When I sit down with my guidebooks and let my brain run free, I am thrilled and excited and happy. I am going to Europe for a month. I am going to Paris and Prague and Frankfurt. Or something like that. Okay - definitely Prague. And Paris. And Eppernay (because that is where Champagne is made). Because I am going to Europe. For a month. I am going.