Until

Training notes: Today was a much better day. After battling a virus of some sort I feel back on track. To that end I managed 9000 steps! Yay me. Even with wind and rain and a lot of commitments, I got in the 9k. Feel pretty good about that. Let's see if it can be bested tomorrow. (For the record, pacing your hallway during phone calls is a great way to get in extra steps).

Travel notes: I find myself going back and forth on how real this is. I so want to do this. I so very much want to do this. And yet I worry about everything that can go wrong to derail the trip. The cost of airfare, the cost of lodging and food, who will go, who won't go, what happens if I have to do it alone. Can I even imagine doing it alone?

I don't want to fall into my former mind set of putting trips off until. Untils are deceptive. Until next year. Until I have just a little more money. Until my friend(s) can join me. Until I have a romantic partner to share it with. Until I feel more comfortable. Until things are more settled at work (at home, in the relationship). Untils give you a false security. It won't be that much longer until. Until you realize that first until was five years ago. Until you realize that you lost out an opportunity. Until you are no longer physically able to go. Until you really do have to many commitments.

A few years ago I lost several people in my life. It was spread out over the year. The first was in March, the last was in October. They ranged from my 21 year old nephew to my 90 year old grandmother. In between were a good friend and a mentor. The friend, Roger, made me promise him that I would take a trip. Sooner rather than later. It was the following year that I went to Europe for the first time. It was the first time I had been outside the country, other than two trips to Canada. It was scary and exhilarating and amazing.

The trip wasn't easy. In fact at points it was horrible. Friends who had promised me a place to stay in Paris suddenly decided there was no room for me. After I had landed, after they had picked me up at the airport. I was abandoned to a hotel and told they would fetch me the next day around noon. I was ready to pick up my bag and head straight back to the airport. Then I realized - I'm in Paris! I spent several amazing mornings wandering around the city by myself. I got lost several times and managed to find my way back. It was the most empowering thing that had happened to me in my life.

My point is this. I don't want to wait for perfect moments any longer. There are no perfect moments you can plan for. If you are lucky, you can stumble into them now and again. If you work hard you can find yourself there. But you can't plan for them. So whatever it is that you are telling yourself will wait until - a trip, a career change, a relationship - understand now that you might wait until that moment is past.